Today, Jessica Sprague (http://spraguelab.squarespace.com/) asked an interesting question on her blog...
What one person, thing, moment, or place do you wish you had a photo of?
Lots of answers to that simple question began circling in my head. I wish I had good photos of relatives generations back... photos that could really show me who those people I barely know of really were. I wish I had more photos of me and the person I was in my later childhood years... I wish I had any photos from my father's family or more than the scattered handful I have of him after he became my father.... None of these photos are possible to get due to the passage of time and the passing on of life.
However, the one answer that keeps coming back as my true answer to this question is a photo I still hope to take some day. I long to have and keep a photo of my son Jon. Surely I have many photos of him, of that there is no doubt. The photo I yearn for though is one that has not been captured by my lens yet, but resides only in my heart. As Jon has grown from a silly little boy into a handsome teen and young man, he has made it a constant point to avoid the camera. Jon does not pose for impromptu photo shoots, and when begged or forced to allow a photo here and there, mostly at family gatherings and holidays, he tends to adopt a stance and look of an angry or bored teen with no interest in being where he is.
He tells me he hates his smile, and he clearly resents all attempts to capture it. Yet it's that smile that makes my heart sing, the twinkle in those deep blue/green eyes, and the soft chuckle that floats effortlessly out of him when he is truly happy. That smile means he's comfortable in his own skin, confident and secure in knowing who his is and who he's becoming.
During these years when the teen independence struggles at war with parents, teachers and all authority, the strong sense of what's "right" and "fair" tugs him this way and that as he stretches the boundaries and tests the limits, I so much need so hear and see that light hearted good kid I know and love. I wish I had photos to look at and hold - to remind me of the strong and gentle soul that resides deep inside this emerging adult. I want and need those photos now and for the future, to remember these times, where we are, where we're headed and where we end up.
Yes, that's the picture I wish I had... and that's the picture that I will one day capture not only with my heart, but with my lens.
